And the gold medal for miserabilism goes to…

This week, the world’s greatest sporting spectacle, the Olympics, will kick off in London. The finest physical specimens from man and womankind will gather in our capital to grapple over who is citius, altius, fortius (faster, higher, stronger).

But first we’ve had the pre-Olympics competition of curmudgeons, a fight to the death between the most miserabilist specimens from British officialdom, all trying to outdo each other in Olympics-related killjoyism.

From terrorism panics to fearmongering over the spread of diseases, these joyless bores have done everything in their power to paint the Olympics as a threat rather than an opportunity, a moment for watching our backs rather than watching spectacular human feats on the track and field.

It is only fair that these prophets of doom’n’disease win some recognition for their Olympian levels of cantankerousness. So in the spirit of celebrating human achievement, here’s a medal ceremony for the miserabilists…

Read the rest of Brendan O’Neill’s Big Issue column here.